Antony: so u cud'nt b anyone's soul mate....i knew it!

Antony: infact with the kind of character u've got ....u could be anyones soulamte...



*lol dunno wht he really meant*

i'm feeling better today..



*siiiiggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

hoooookayyyyyyyyyy

Today and yesterday i had my engineering entrance exams..
It was bullshit, in general...

Will write more about it later



Here's my +2 bored exam marks..

English - 71 (lol)
Malayalam - 92 :)
Chemistry - 80 (it was not a human who corrected my paper, it was an ANGEL :D)
Maths - 82 (ALL credits to manoj sir - i never went for any tuitions in 12th std, so during the last 6 days i went to him, and woah, he rocks!!!!!!)
Physics - 91 (yes, yes, yessss!!! 91 :D)

Total - 416/500
83.2%

I have never got 80% in the whole of 12th standard :) and I got this percent :D :D yay


K, I dont know what the HELL happened with english. I was expecting 90!! Lol, but its totally okay, coz whenever I tell somebody my english marks they go wide-eyed and say 'whaaaat??!!!' Now that's priceless :)

There was no internet
But its not only me who's got this low marks, loads of other people from my school, who usually get decent marks, also got in 60s and all. And all of us got Set 2. And some parents are trying to organize some press meeting regarding this - dont think it will make any difference - and it came in the newspaper also.

Entrance was bullshit, oh I already said that.

I have no time, gotta go now... will post later.. loaaads to say
LOve u all

this post is to announce that i hav gone mental

i will get my hall ticket for the board exams today.

and i will somehow manage to write my exams and get an 80%


thanks for all your best wishes

DYING TO SEE YOU AFTER THE EXAMS :D

love you all, have fun!

just when u think "wow, life is ACTUALLY going quite well.."






SHIT HAPPENS

ANOTHER survey :D :D :D :D :D

( i'm sorry but i dont have anything else to give you )

1. Have you ever called a person useless?
hmmm.. i dont think so. no.
2. What object in your room is really important to you?
my diary
3. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
yup. very good at that
4. Are you a lover?
i dont think so.
5. Would you kiss an ugly person for $10,000?
yes of course :D
6. What kind of sense of humor do you have?
weird
7. Do you usually tell people when they hurt your feelings?
no
8. Do your initials spell out a word?
yes. FAK. dave reads it as 'fuck'
9. When was the last time you talked to an ex?
just two days ago. i dint talk. he did. i walked away.
10. How often do you give high fives?
lol... ALL the time, with my cousin
11. If you had to delete one person off your top friends list, who would it be?
haha, i wont say that!
12. Your ex is on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. What do you do?
give him a ride
13. Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction?
i TOLD you not to sleep with him
14. Is your shirt new?
no, its old
15. Where is the last place you went out to eat?
all spice
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the past week?
yeh, a shirt
17. Do you live near your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
no, thank goodness
18. If you had to sleep with a teacher from high school, who would it be?
NOONE
19. Did you sing in the shower today?
'Pichle Saat Dino Mein' - Rock On
20. Where is the last place you went shopping?
alukkas
21. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?
noone has my name
22. Do you know your father's birthday?
yup
23. How old will you be in 24 months?
20
24. Do you prefer a call or a text?
call
25. Have you ever been on television?
nope
26. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
two
27. Do your parents drink coffee every morning?
they drink tea all the time
28. Crunchy or creamy peanut butter?
i hate peanut butter
29. One song that's meaningful to you?
aaaahhhh
30. Do you think you'd be good enough to commit a crime and get away with it?
no way
31. Are you wearing any jewelry?
earrings and a necklace with an F locket.
32. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
neither
33. Do you wish someone was with you right now?
yes, very much.
34. Is there currently a movie showing that you want to see?
i dont know which movies are running right now.
35. What will you be doing for your next birthday?
no idea.
36. Do/did you like high school?
yes, actually... quite a lot :)
38. What is or was your favorite subject in school?
english, always
39. What's your favorite kind of cereal?
hate cereals
40. Is there someone you know you should hate, but you can't?
yeh, i should hate many people for hating me. but its very tough for me to return the hatred. dunno why.
41. Out of your cousins, which one do you talk to the most?
fefi
42. Is there anyone you trust even though you probably shouldn't?
naaaahhh
43. Have you ever kissed in the rain?
no :) but i'd love to

blah blah blah blah

have you any wool





blah blah blah blah

three bags full


ayyyoooo.. ayyyooooo.. ayyyooooo

i know NOTHING. chemistry exam's on wednesday.. i know nothing!!!!!! 16 lessons to go. i know nothing.

its quite funny actually. i call up my friends to ask them their status and everyone's like 'nothing' 'nil' 'zero' and we start laughing. NOONE has taken things seriously even now!!! lol. its january for gods sake, what's wrong with us??????

i think i'm going mental.
innnn...... outttt....

they're over.
my second terminal exams.
this is VERY great because, honestly speaking, i didn't think that i would get out alive of this suck-fest. yeh, thats wht exams do. they SUCK. they're only good for nerds. im not saying im against nerds, but hey the non-nerds are doing hard and getting whatever the hell they can. some attention here, please!




ahhh.. whatever.. 2nd terminal exams are over. and now i have to 'face' the model exams. we only have one set this time (as opposed to the tenth standard when we had two).anyways, i gotta learn the whole of 12th during the christmas vacations. i think i've learnt 11th pretty well (there was no internet, what else am i supposed to do than learn) (yes there was a time when i used to learn when i was bored) (haha)
so for the models, i have to prepare as if im preparing for the boards. there should be some kinda eerie background music when someone says 'boards'. coz i can kinda hear it. and its freaking me out. well the boards will also come to an end, like these exams did. and im waiting for that day. i just want to sleep in peace. ohhhhh crap i forgot about the entrance exams. yeh, im waiting for the entrance exams to be over, so that i can sleep in peace.



i will not deny that 12th standard has made me MENTAL. i just want this nightmare to end. and then i'll breathe.
and i have to go.
bye
miss you guys
i promise once the boards get over, i'll be more active (i said the same thing during my tenth standard and i dont think i've ever been very active after that)

i'm back from vadakara (kozhikode) where i'd gone to attend the state youth festival.
i got third (with A grade) for story-writing and an A grade for poetry.

[i dint tell you guys about the regional youth festival - i'd got first for story and 2nd for poetry]

tatasky is back at home.
i had a really, really nice hot water bath today.
for some reason, i feel like i'm going to start a new life today. i dunno why. and it's kinda depressing. there are only a couple of days more for school-life to end. yes of course there will be classes in january, but then it wont be the same as now. it's supposed to be a good thing, i hate life at school. and i hate 90% of the people over there. but still its making me sad. what the hell. i have a lot left to learn, and a hell lot of expectations to live up to. it's scaring me.

i did not get an A for the mid-terms. i was embarrassed so thats why i dint post anyhting about it. and i dont think i'll ever get an 80% if things are going like this. i dont know why NOTHING's working out.

oh and please dont think that i'm getting senti-menti coz of the youth fest results. maybe it's coz of tatasky. we didn't have it for such a long time. and i didn't even realize that i missed TV so much! maybe i'll have the same feeling when i create my next orkut account. maybe it's coz i watched too much news for the past few days. the things that are happening are awful. i dont know how to express my feelings about it. i cant even IMAGINE being in a place like that. i'm very sad/angry about what happened. how can people kill other people like this? sighh.. is it so necessary for them to kill innocent people to prove their points (whatever the hell that is)? and did anyone see pratibha patil anywhere around there?

i want to write more, but my dad's here and he'll start shouting now

yesterday, i took my bag in which i keep random school things - notes passed in class, amusing test papers, comments cut out from notebooks, old timetables, birthday party bills etc etc

and i found a poem titled '-Phobic' that i kinda liked. i'd written it on 29 september 07. [MOST prolly inspired by mr.vinay] and it mustve been the only poem i wrote in 2007. dunno. but im glad that i kept it. it dint have a rough draft, but it looked neat. impressive. anyways, it's in my room now, and i dont think its necessary for me to go upstairs, get it, and post it over here.

i also found this tenth standard physics test in which i had 9 out of 14. i remember our papers were given to X.B (we were in X.A). and guess who corrected mine? vysak!! lol..
i have no idea why i even saved this paper, why i dint throw it away with the others. it's REALLY weird, coz i dont think i had any kind of feelings towards him till i got into 12th.

what else is happening? lemme see..
- my midterm exams are in 10 days. this time this girl is going to kick ass. i've done all the math - i can only afford to lose 44 marks out of 5 subjects, (to get an A grade)ie 8.8 marks in each subject. i know its going to very, very hard. but still i've been doing serious planning 21 days before the exam. i've never ever started preparing SO early for any exam. i mean, something good should come out of it, no? atleast for the attempt.

-my sister and ibrahim are going to bahrain :( hmm.. i dunno if i'll miss them. yeh, i'm like that, i'm used to people coming and leaving home. (dad works in abudhabi, comes and goes every 2/3/4 months, my 2 big sisters have been in hostels for a looong while now).
sighhh.. ibrahim's going to go, just when he started smiling and laughing and playing and recognizing me. i should post a video of him for you guys to see. i dont have any videos now, but i've asked my sister to write them on a CD for me. (she has some really cute ones)

-ohh yeh, and since my sister is going to bahrain, the internet is going :X aaaaaaaarrgh. coz she was the one who took the connection so that she could talk to her husband (in bahrain). now that she's going, there's no person who needs the internet (i dont qualify as a human who needs email and LJ).

-my exams are on 4,5,6 november. my sister will prolly go on the 5th or 6th. and the youth festival programmes are on 7,8,9 at some school in Attingal. so it's goin to be a pretty busy week.

i'm pretty tired now, coz i wake up at 6 in the morning, that's the time my sister is sleeping, and so i can use the computer without anyone nagging me or peeking behind my shoulder. i think it's about 7 now. (the clock in the computer shows 6:32 am, but its wrong).

i learnt a bit of electromagnetic induction yesterday. i have to finish off magnetism. i havent bought a malayalam text yet (yikes!!). i have to practise differentiation and integration. i shouldnt forget to read the NCERT text. i have to complete ORGANIC ($%#%#$U&^*%$%). should do more problems in maths, so i dont lose much marks there, so i can lose more marks in phy and chemistry. and i should not underestimate english or malayalam also. coz if i do, i'll most prolly lose my grade for getting 39 or sumthing in english/malayalam

k.. i know i sound like a nerd. but i dont care. this time i have to get an A grade. i have to. there are reasons for that. but i dont have time and i'm not in the mood to explain. will do that later sometime. i need this one. it's not even like my board exams. i want this 80% more than i wanted 90% in my tenth. *grits teeth*

bye then, i have to get ready for school.

sky's the limit

look at me!!!

god, i have so much left to learn.
tomorrow i have two tests on organic chemistry.
not one - TWO.

one on alcohols and phenols
and the other on aldehydes, ketones and carboxylic acids.

it actually makes more sense if you say there are FIVE tests tomorrow. i dont know how i'll manage this. i hate school. really i do. more than home. can you believe that? me saying that i hate some place MORE than i hate home? that's insane.

anyways.
i'm going to learn now. and nothing will stop me from finishing organic today.period.

me: [beckons him from the middle of his friends, during the interval, until which he, as usual, did not look at me]
him: [makes innocent look and points at himself asking 'me?']
me: oh yeh you
him: [comes to me]
me: [moves one step closer] say whatever what you want about me, but dont say rubbish about my veettukaar and naattukaar
him: [nods head,turns and goes]
me: [does a little jump and starts again, him still NOT looking at me, can you believe that?] why cant you ever look at me in the face and say all those things?
him: i never feel like that
me: ohhh but you could tell that to me online, through gtalk.
him: i dint TELL that to you, i TYPED it (Loser)
me: ohhh. typing and telling are two really different things. utharam muttumbo kannu kaanichittu kaaryamilla
him: [nods]
me: patti
him: [nods]



i did NOT slap him. *slaps self* shit. everyone told me that i'd get suspended. and this other guy friend of mine, rex, told me that it'd become a huge problem and that he'd prolly hit me back (which wouldn't have surprised me), that he doesnt have any kind of respect for me. and finally i went up to him. he was disgusting. the way his head was bent while he talked. the way he would turn all the time WHILE talking. the way he wouldn't look at me. sonofagun.

and i dint even swear at him. (except for patti). ssshe..and rex was all 'really? REALLY?? he dint tell anything?? he is SUCH a chicken!' i was expecting a bloodbath. lol, i cant believe that he is this big an idiot.

and i'm an idiot too, god i'm bad at abusing people. i'm only good at pulling my hair and swearing at my ncert text. :(
*hits head on wall*

yeh, go on, laugh at me.

you know what?

guys suck
big time

out of all the 5643437908 guys i know, every one either really really likes me or really really hates me. and they do NOT have the f-ing guts to tell that in my face.

fine. okay. dont tell me. keep it to yourself.


but why start gossiping like women in cheap mallu serials?
and why abuse me ONLINE, when you see me EVERY FUCKING DAY, and dont even glance at me??
doesnt that say that you're just a bunch of two-faced, spineless, meek,gutless, wimpy, cowardly CHICKENS?

i would've respected you if you had abused me at school, in my face.
but how could you? you dont even have the nerve to look at me in my face. hah! you wouldn't even dare to use the F-word at me.
you told me to mind my own business, and that its your life and all that shit.
and then you go on, judging me and calling me names.. get a life, dude!
yeh, did i say nothing about ur dad like you did about mine (just like you hear in mallu movies) just because i dint KNOW enough swear words?? yeh right. i had the fucking INTEGRITY to keep it between the two of us. and not involve anyone else.

i hope you atleast look at me on monday, so that i can show you my finger and then come and stare at you until you blink. and god knows what will happen after that. i do NOT want to get suspended from school. lemme tell you that

i'm laughing at you because you have never had enough mettle to even come near me and one day all of a sudden you lash out at me, ONLINE.. you're pathetic dude.. ha.ha.ha

oh and you, its GK that you like me and that i know that you like me and that you know that i know that you like me. then why cant you tell me that you like me? who cares, i dont like you anyways. so stop flirting with me. and stop acting so innocent. i'm not talking to you ever again. your birthday present's still with me. maybe i'll give it to you. but that's that. over

guys are sick. they're just crap. they're all talk.

What's up with the phrase 'Sleeping like a baby?'
Let me tell you, babies do NOT sleep. They dont let other people sleep. They keep crying at the oddest of hours.

Ibrahim got his polio vaccine some days ago, and as he reached home, he was crying like hell. I'd never heard him cry like that, ever. How can such a tiny thing make these deafening noises? I dunno. And sometimes he'd stop inhaling altogether. That is supposed to be normal and the doctor told not to do anything when that happens. It was seriously heart-breaking to hear him cry like that. Then we found out that it was his leg, where he got injected, that was pestering him. Everytime he moved his leg, he cried. So my brother-in-law was holding Ibrahim's leg so that he wouldn't move it at all. He stayed up till almost 3:30 in the morning, holding Ib's leg and trying to pacify him with baby-talk. That night, I got out of the room, went to the computer, and listened to loud music on my headphones.

And Ibrahim's also got these diaper rashes which make him cry. The rash cream I think is not working so well. And it's also not practical to use a cloth nappy all the time.

Ibrahim is 47 days old day. Normally, people have a function on the 40th day when they shave the baby's head. Ibrahim's going to have his head shaved tomorrow. Maybe it is because he's preterm? Dunno. Haha, I dont care, because - all my cousins are gonna be here.. after.. almost 2 years!! *gasp*


Other things:
- I asked my big sister(Ibrahim's mom) what the hell's going to happen if I dont write the entrance exams and dont become an engineer. And she was all 'I have a job, I have a salary, I have a good life' and I said 'But I think it's boring'. In her face. LOL. Feels so good.

What? Dont look at me like that! She's always always always telling things as if the world's going to end if I dont become an engineer. WTF.. seriously.. WTF?? If I want to be an engineer, I'll work on that. Only if I want to.

-Yes, I'm over him*

-I'll probably change my layout pretty soon, only probably, coz I want it to look nice. Prashant (whose LJ username I dont remember, sorry!!!) pointed out the things wrong in it. I'm not assuring anything. But I will try.

-Hehe, I got 5 invitations to (re)join orkut!!! Lol..

*the asshole

Orkut.. Almost everyone I know is in there, and woahhh.. it is just timepass! Yesterday I was in front of the computer from the time I woke up, at 9:00 in the morning, till 2:30 in the morning!!!!! [Except for breaks only for bathroom/food] Can you believe that?

And then I went upstairs to my room, and I had to do a little assignment for chemistry tuitions and then I listened to some songs (Yes, I know, something's seriously wrong with me. I dont even like music that much!), and I slept at 3:30, thinking that I would wake up at 5:30, because I had physics tuitions at 7:00. And when did I wake up? At 6:30. BLEH. One day I managed to do that, so I thought I'll be able to do that everyday. That is SO typically me. So I did not go for my Physics tuitions and then I slept till 9 and when I woke up I was SO pissed with myself. I hate hate hate missing Physics. I love that class!! And sir wont be really delighted either, because I dint go there last Sunday.

Hmm.. so I went straight to the computer after waking up, and with athiran's help, deleted my orkut profile. YIKES!! I finally did that.. Lol, all my scraps since February,2005 are all gone for good - that is SO freaky. I can't believe I actually did that!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEKKK

Well, now I know I'm not going to waste away. That's for sure. Orkut is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Orkut is my enemy. It pulls me down to my chair when I get up to go learn. LJ is nothing like that. It's only as distracting as brushing your teeth. You login, you post, you read your friends' page, you comment, you log out. I <3 LJ :) My icon says it all :D

It feels so nice to think that I wont feel guilty about wasting time on Orkut anymore. I dunno, I waste time on a lot of things. I listen to music even if I'm not in the mood for it, I chat online, I watch movies, I read old magazines over and over again But Orkut makes me feel like I've sinned. I just hang around there, and flip through communities that dont make any sense at all. Phew, *heaves sigh of relief*, I've unburdened myself. ahahhahahahaha.

Oh and the last day it was raining like hell when I was returning home from my Physics tuition in the evening. And I did NOT have an umbrella. I got under my friend's umbrella, and as we finally got into the bus after walking for a while, we found that both of us were soaking wet. Ugh, and when I got into the bus, I saw two very free seats - I almost never get a seat!! And we couldnt sit because we were wet, and the seats were dry. If someone really dry got in and sat there after us, they'd curse us :P
I always have to board two buses to reach home from there, and so as I got out of the bus, I found this other girl, who was my friend's friend. She took me to the other bus stop, she lived near there. Omg the road was a river. And all I could think was all the dirt and germs and viral infections the water I was walking in could give me. Ewww. And at the next bus stop, I stood with another strange lady with an umbrella.

No matter how I stood under any of these three umbrellas, I would get completely wet, and I was worried about my iriver which was inside my totally soggy bag. By the time I reached home, the rain had thankfully stopped, and I had for the first time talked quite a lot with this girl I met inside the bus, and I also lent her 50 paise because she dint have change. She said she'd return it the next time she sees me, hahah.. Her name was Sunimol :) There werent any autorickshaws there (It was about 7.15 pm then) and I saw another girl, maybe two or three years older than me. I asked her if she was waiting for an auto, she said yes. I waited there, and after seeing no autos even after a little while, I started walking and then she asked me which route I was going. I told her. And as she walked in front of me, there came an autorickshaw and she got into it. Since I had discovered that day that I had a way with strangers and that strangers loved me, I walked along with her, and asked her where she was going (hoping that we could both go in the same auto). She replied and dint say anything else. And when I looked, there was some guy with her (Now where did he come from???)

Blehh...
But I did get another auto soon. So no worries :) Thank God I wasnt wearing my uniform that day. I HATE HATE HATE wearing wet socks.
Today I took my umbrella, and it was as sunny as ever. Darn. No I did NOT want it to rain, but still, umbrellas are heavy!

yesterday at the dinner table, we were discussing 'LIZARDS'!! here are some interesting things we said :

-my brother-in-law and his sister have tried putting some lizard's eggs and a lizard in a bottle so that they could watch it hatch
-and they've also trapped one to see it laying eggs
-i've once seen a lizard's head on top of my drawer, and later when i opened the drawer under it, the body was INSIDE it. eww. i was wondering how that happened and my brother in law suggeseted that maybe someoene murdered it.. hmmm
-when my sister was in the 12th standard, she has seen her friend cry the WHOLE night just because a lizard fell on her
-last year, during tuitions, a lizard fell on top of me when i was doing math! [well, that had to happen, there are about a thousand liards always sitting on the ceiling, right above our heads]
-and just the other day, at chemistry tuitions, i saw the skeleton of a lizard trapped when the door was closed some day, ages ago

and all this while, i was eating! lol

hm.. today i woke up dreaming this :

[insert loads of mathematical expressions]
=him - him
=0

Hence, i've gotten over him.

now this is the kind of dream that i never have!!!

little ibrahim's going to have his first bath today. he was taken to a doctor yesterday, and he said that ibrahim was totally fine. oh and he also weighs 2.5 kg now. pheww.
yesterday i took him in my hands for about half an hour - ie till my hands hurt lol. and he was awake and when he'd start to cry, i'd stand there and sing to him and swing from side to side, and HE'D STOP CRYING!! yayyyyyy! after a while, he almost started bobbing his head to the music from the radio, but i figured he must be feeling dizzy so i stopped my swinging for a while. i just cant believe all the innocence in him, the way he looks at me, the way he cries, the way he sleeps. hope everything goes fine with him.

ohhhh i should post pics of him! i ALWAYS forget that. maybe in the next post. :)

okay, i WANTED this to happen

then why am i feeling so bad??


i dont know what to say... i'll meet him in my dreams tonight .. maybe




i dont WANT to feel bad

I can show you the world
Shining, simmering, splendid
Tell me princess, now when did you last
Let your heart decide?

I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride

I love this song! I've always thought that Aladdin is very, very cute. Aladdin used to be my favourite cartoon. I've watched every single one :) I watched the movie some days ago, and I came to know that I dint remember most of it! I guess I watched the movie WAY before I started watching the series. I did not know things like Genie had three rules:
-He cant make anyone fall in love with anyone
-He cant kill anyone
-He cant raise anyone from the dead

I also dint know that there was a law that a princess could only marry a prince.
I had two big aladdin jigsaw puzzles, dont know where the heck it is now :((
Lol, would you believe it if I said that my earliest crushes were all cartoon characters? There was this other guy called Max - Goofy's son.


And these shows were all in Hindi. And that was how I learnt Hindi lol..(Does anyone remember VIshal bhaiyya and Disney Hour?) I dont think I've ever seen any English cartoons (not until I started getting the Disney Channel, and then I was about 15!!)


And now I've got a cold, and I cant go anywhere near Ibrahim. Daaaarn. Everytime I'm about to get a cold or a fever, my throat acts weird at first. And when my throat started its khich-khich last week, and I told my mother that I wouldnt wash my head that day, that I had had a Crocin and it will hopefully get better, she FORCED me to go have a complete shower. God, I was pissed that day. If I hadn't listened to her, she'd start this whole drama and she'll say that I never lissen to her and all that serious bullshit. And now here I am, with a running nose, keeping away from Ibrahim, who is crying A LOT.

Yesterday, I woke up in the morning dreaming about him. It was such a sad dream. And in the evening I heard this song 'Moraa Saiya' by some band whose name I forgot. (Amit Sana sang this song beautifully, in Indian Idol Season 1. And the video shows a village girl becoming a big star, the director likes the girl, but she gets famous and ignores him, the director later dies etc etc). And now I miss him. He's NOWHERE to be seen! Not on orkut, not on gmail. He did not mail me. I'm not supposed to miss him. I hate this. #%$!$!#$!@FDAA What, am i crazy?